


One word at a time

by transcryptid



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Logan is a soft boy, M/M, Mental Illness, Negative Thoughts, Panic Attacks, mlm, self doubt, virgil is scared, virgil vowed to confess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 09:38:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14892156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transcryptid/pseuds/transcryptid
Summary: Today was the day. Virgil swore to himself that he'd confess his feelings to Logan today and thats what he was going to do.





	One word at a time

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first sanders sides fanfic I've written. I've been meaning to write more recently and I finally did. This is for my friend Reed while they're recovering from surgery. I hope you enjoy it.

Today was the day. Virgil had built up courage to do this one thing for the past month. Anytime he thought about it his heart raced, thumping against his ribcage like it was hitting a drum. On beat with the trembling of his hands and how he ran his teeth over his raw chapped bottom lip over and over. This was it, he decided today. If not today then never, he’d never have another chance.

The anxious side let out a shaky sigh, his hands clasped tightly together in the pocket of his hoodie. He could do this. His legs threated to pivot, trying to lead him back to the safety of his room to hide in shame. No, he wouldn’t let that happen. With one last breathe he tore his hands apart and drew one from the warmth of the fabric. Slowly he raised it and tapped lightly on the wooden door in front of him with his knuckles. One thing checked off. Now he just had to keep his breathing under control while he waited for an answer. He stood there for what felt like years thoughts racing through his head like a fire through a forest. Negative arrows jabbed into the one perfect outcome he could think of, trying to cloud it.

Maybe he wasn’t in his room? Virgil thought, or maybe he didn’t want to see you another part of his brain supplied. He shook his head, eyes tightly shut. No, stop thinking like that. He told himself. It would be okay, you can’t just dismiss the situation before you’ve confronted it.

A full minute passed since he knocked on the door, he could have sworn it was longer then that. Maybe he should leave, he didn’t answer the door so maybe he wasn’t there? Right as he thought that again the lock clicked, and the door swung inward. Virgil was met with an almost blank stare. “Oh, Virgil, is there something you need?” Logan asked with a calm voice, the smallest of smiles upon his lips at the sight of seeing him. If you didn’t know Logan you wouldn’t have noticed it, but a smile was rare, so this caught Virgil’s attention immediately.

His free hand had made its way back into his hoodie pocket, his fingers twisting together as his thoughts jumbled. What he prepared isn’t coming to him anymore. He’s speechless. It takes him a second and a concerned look from Logan for him to speak. “Can…I come in?” He asked, voice barely audible.

Logan didn’t answer, just stepped away from the door, holding it open with a clear path into his room. Okay so that meant come inside right? Virgil hoped it did, sometimes Logan was unreadable. He stepped inside, walking over to his bed, not sitting but hovering awkwardly in the other man’s space. Logan’s room was neat, everything organized and labeled, his book shelves were in order, not a book out of place unless he was using it. His desk could be cleaner, but it seems like he was working at it. Computer open and several papers laying next to it, an ink pen capped and laying atop them.

Logan closed the door behind him and wandered back over to his desk, pulling the chair back out and spinning it around to face the bed. He sat himself down and gave Virgil a pointed stare. The anxious side shrunk under his gaze, afraid he was doing something wrong. Logan seemed to laugh to himself before motioning to the bed, silently asking him to sit.

Oh, okay he wanted him to sit. It was super weird to just stand there god Virgil, he chastised himself. He took a sit on the bed, it wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Why did he even think it would be hard? Logan wanted to be comfortable too. While it was firm, it also moved around him. Not solid under his weight.

Why was he paying attention to the bed instead of the reason he was here? His mind was everywhere. It would think about anything to get him out of talking. “So, Virgil, what did you want to speak about, I assume you wanted to talk. There wouldn’t be any other reason for you to show up would there?” Logan asked, his gazed focused on him, glasses sitting perfectly on his nose. His hair was perfect, swept back, a few stands hung down over his forehead, but that’s what made it perfect because it wasn’t /perfect/.

The logical side shifted, moving his leg to rest upon his other knee. Virgil’s hands were sweating, he took them out, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie, trying to wipe the sweat off as he did. “I uh…” He stammered, his throat tightening. Just get it out Virgil, like a band-aid, quick and easy. Then you can run to your room and hide for the rest of your sorry life after he rejects you. God shut up he didn’t need this right now.

Logan was patient, letting Virgil get his thoughts together and form words. It was clear that he wanted to say more, his mouth opened then closed and opened again like he was trying to say something. He shut his eyes for a second, trying to focus. “God…I’m so stupid” He muttered, the grip on the fabric of his hoodie tightened. Breathe Virgil. In four, hold seven, out eight. Good, now focus on your words and just say them. Don’t think.

Logan gave him a weird look. “What was that?” He asked, clearly not hearing what Virgil had mumbled. Virgil shook his head and opened his eyes once again. He let his lavender eyes meet the amber ones staring him down. He was terrified, but he opened his mouth and let words fly out. “Logan, I know this is sudden and you don’t have to share feelings with me, but I think I’m in love with you and I really had to say this to you, I promised myself I would and now I am, I’m sorry-“. He stopped himself, his mouth snapping shut. He said more than he wanted.

His eyes moved away from Logan’s. The silence in the room was uncomfortable. Logan just looked at him, blinking, not sure what to say. Or maybe he had nothing to say. Stunned and disgusted but his face said nothing.

Virgil’s body grew more tense the longer they sat there. Just like in front of the door time passed so slowly he thought he was sitting there for hours instead of minutes. He didn’t notice Logan stand up, his mind elsewhere. Logan would hate him now. He wouldn’t want to talk anymore; their arguments would return like they had in the beginning. He wouldn’t get to see another rare smile directed towards him ever again. Everyone would want him to leave. He ruined everything.

There was a heavy feeling on his shoulder, the weight there grew hot. His mind slipped, tumbling into darkness then it caught itself. His throat caught, chest heaving and suddenly he could hear a voice. A calm voice speaking gently to him. “Virgil breathe, you know how to do that, in and out can you do that?” the voice asked. The weight shifted, dragging the heat with it. His hands were now covered by that warmth.

His eyes snapped open, the room was blurry, he felt dizzy, the lack of oxygen getting to him. He knew how to breathe; the voice was right. In four, hold seven, out eight. It took him a minute, but his breathing returned to normal again. Logan was sitting right next to him, his hands clasped over his own clammy shaking ones.

The voice was Logan. That made sense, he was the only one in the room with him. Of course he was it was his room. “Virgil, can you look at me now?” Logan asked, his voice not wavering, it sounded almost kind. Not that Logan wasn’t kind, but he tended to be deadpan most of the time.

Virgil glanced up at him, amber eyes fixed his and he couldn’t look away. Logan was smiling. Not a small smile like he did at the door, but an actual smile. Virgil’s heart skipped a beat, he could have sworn he’d died and gone to heaven, if he believed in that. A smile slipped onto his own face at the sight. Even if Logan rejected him this made up for it, seeing the man give him a genuine smile made him soar. If he didn’t hate flying to much he’d stay in the cloud forever, but of course he had to come crashing down.

His worry returned despite the smile never slipping from the logical side’s face. Logan’s hold on his hands loosened, letting him slip away if he wished. Why would he want that though? They were practically holding hands now, even though it was mostly to comfort and ground him, but Virgil let himself have this childish fantasy for a while.

“Virgil” Logan said steadily, knocking Virgil out of his little fantasy. His eyes focused back on Logan again, the smile wasn’t as big as it was before, but it hadn’t left. It was strange to see Logan smile, not that it wasn’t welcomed, but strange. “Why did you apologize?” the other man asked, Virgil was taken aback. Why did he apologize? Why was that what Logan was worried about. He should have apologized for confessing all that to Logan with no warning. “I-“ Virgil started, what did he say next? “I just…toss that all at you without warning…and I know you don’t feel the same I just wanted to get it over with” Virgil replied, his throat tightening with every word.

Logan’s eyebrows stitched together, a frown replacing that beautiful smile that graced his face just moments before. “Virgil, you can’t just assume to know something about someone without pliable information” He pointed out, one of his hands grasping one of Virgil’s, his grip firm but not painful. What was Logan saying? Did that mean he was wrong. If he was wrong, then Logan liked him? His chest tightened at the thought, god did Logan like him back?

“L-Logan…?” Virgil muttered, his voice cracking as he spoke the other’s name. Logan let out a soft laugh and that smile returned. “If you’re thinking what I assume you are the answer is yes Virgil” Logan stated, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into the skin of Virgil’s hand. Virgil couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Logan liked him. He actually liked him. Logan rarely ever lied to them, and he wouldn’t lie about something like this.

“Why...?” Virgil asked, his voice was quiet, almost a whisper but Logan heard him. “Why wouldn’t I?” Logan spoke again before Virgil could list of the reasons why. “Virgil you’re wonderful, you have problems, but everyone does, nobody is perfect and just because you make mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We thought of you as the villain at first because we had no one else to blame, and we feared what you caused. We soon realized that what you did wasn’t with ill purpose, so don’t think we hate you. I defiantly don’t”

It was Virgil’s turn to stare at Logan without speaking. He was stunned, of course he knew that, but his brain refused to let him fully accept it. Logan didn’t hate him, in fact it was the opposite of that. Logan liked him, more then liked him maybe. After a moment he gasped for breath, not knowing that he had stopped breathing for a moment there.

“You-“ He started, trying to wrap his mind around it. Before he could say something else Logan replied. “Of course I do” He said, his hand moving from Virgil’s to his cheek. Logan’s hand was warm, it heated his cheek up, though part of it probably wasn’t from his hand. A blush painted his cheeks, tinging Virgil’s pale face in a soft red.

The next moment was a blur, one moment he was staring into amber but then his lips were warm, eyes unfocused on whatever was extremely close to his face. Logan was kissing him, he wasn’t kissing back. Should he kiss back? Did he have the ability to kiss back? Virgil didn’t have time to answer that question before Logan was pulling away, the man’s face was tinted red as well, eyes looking elsewhere now.

“I apologize” He said, pulling his hand away from Virgil’s face. Why was Logan apologizing? Virgil confessed to him and Logan kissed him. He actually kissed him, there was no need to apologize.

Virgil grabbed Logan’s hand, he was so warm, it burned him. “Please” Virgil said, his plea was silent, barley a sound emitted from his throat. He moved Logan’s hand back to his cheek and Logan’s eyes snapped to him, a confused and almost sad look in his eye. “Please…” He said louder this time. He was scared of finishing his sentence. Virgil’s eyes glanced down to Logan’s lips before back up to his eyes. His favorite color was amber, pure and beautiful. He could stare into them forever, and he would if Logan let him, but the other man seemed to get what he was hinted at and closed the gap between them again.

Virgil’s eyes slowly shut and this time he kissed back, it was sweet. Logan was soft, gentle. He tasted like coffee. He dreamed of this for so long and now it was happening, he’d have to find something else to dream about.

They parted for breath, Virgil’s eyes not opening quite yet. He let it sink in, he imagined the feel of his lips still against the Logical side’s, how soft they were against his chapped sore lips. It was wonderful. Logan was wonderful. Those arrows that penetrated his one happy outcome fell away, blowing away as they crumbled. The walls protecting that dream collapsed and the bubble popped. The dream was now a memory, the dream was his now. His present and hopefully future.  
“Virgil” Logan said softly. He could feel eyes on him and he let his own open, meeting the others. Lavender meeting Amber that shined in the light becoming golden in color. “Logan” Virgil replied, breathless.

“I love you”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this! Yeah I know "God its him again why so many notes?". Just bare with me. If you want to see updates on more fanfics to come, maybe an addition to this one follow me on tumblr @homoflexable-cryptid. I love you all!


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